Monday, 28 October 2013

When they are not looking



Lately I’ve been thinking about the impact society has in our lives. We act, make decisions based on how society will perceive us. Sometimes this is a good thing; sometimes it just is not good – at all. 

I remember growing up I had two lives – at home I was someone else and outside my house I was a totally different person.

When I was not home I would get so rebellious because I wanted to be cool and fit in, but how was I being cool if I wasn’t myself? Acting to be someone I was not became a full time job – and a pretty exhausting one.

When I was in the public eye I’d pretend like I ran the show – talk about parties and clubs when I actually wasn’t even going to any – at all. This is because I did not want to be left out in conversations. In the mist of it all, I became who I was not. 


But who was I really when society was not looking – a shy young girl who had big dreams. I was my family’s treasure, my grandmother’s beautiful flower, a song writer, an actress, a person whom talkative was what defined me best.  

I have learned that every one of us is like a rough diamond waiting to be polished in order to shine bright.
Sometimes our circumstances seem like they don’t allow us to be what we want to be. Boys from the Cape flats cannot explore their full potential because if they are not in gangs then gangs want to take them out. Girls date older man to easily get necessities. 

We now have a role to play. A role of sharing stories of people who come from our neighbourhoods and have made it passed the circumstances – to say that achieving your goals is possible.

Let’s start a culture of young people that won’t be embarrassed or scared to portray who they are. Success comes in different forms, levels and ways. 

I know young girls and boys that do not want to talk about their dreams to their peers because they do not want to be mocked.  That ambitious person you are when alone in your room let that person be known and embraced. Those great fantasies you have in your room that can change the world need to be made known.
Do not be brought down by society’s negativity. You might be one of the scientists to find cure for HIV/AIDS, you might be South Africa’s first female president, and you might be the person who finds solutions to the violence in our communities. 

We have people from our communities that have gone through their fair share of challenges but they rose above them and took ownership of their lives. 


Our community, our country is waiting and relying on your great idea to develop South Africa. Always be that great person that you are even when they (society) are looking, don’t shy away – you might just change lives.

To all grade 12 learners commencing with the final examination today, opportunities are immeasurable – be able to identify them and exploit them. BEST OF LUCK!

 *Picture courtesy of amazingasset.com

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Decide your destiny today



Have you ever thought you know what’s best to decide for yourself but can’t really make the decision because of some contributing factors? Well I know how that feels. 

Lately I have abandoned my responsibility of frequently sharing some of my experiences on this platform because of indecisiveness. There is a lot of things I would like to do and there is one thing I would love to quit (but that’s a story for another day).

Most situations we find ourselves in are because we did not make a decision and matters led us straight to accepting being in the situation.
While I was in high school, my only dream was to become a lawyer but I did not make the decision of applying.  After matric I was forced to go to Cape Town – this was however the best decision made for me. Cape Town has been nothing but great to me – thanks to my family for forcing me to go to Cape Town.  

But what about those decisions which are taken for you and never work for you? A man ranked 3rd in the world at the English Speaking Union International Competition, Vusi Thembekwayo once said in one of his talks “never take advice from loved ones.” He elaborated and said when growing up you see a hot stove and you have the urge to touch it, but your mama will tell you not to or you will burn yourself. “Want to touch it? Hell yes. Will it hurt? Damn sure it will,” said Thembekwayo. He said, however, the satisfaction of being on the other side will be worth it, because then you will know how it feels.

Often when we make the decision of doing things we really love we seek for advice from loved ones and whether we like it or not, they will sometimes advise us not to because they don’t want to see us hurt. How do you then forgive yourself ten years down the line when you regret not making your own decision and letting other people tell you what to do? There is no guarantee that our decisions will always be the best decisions ever but knowing that you attempted will be satisfactory enough.

What I’m trying to say is get yourself out of that box of feeling trapped when you need to decide on something.

I have made the decision of starting an NGO to empower young girls from the disadvantaged areas. I have made the decision of co-founding a communications company and do what I love most – events and public relations. I have made the decision of working hard today so my children can be born to a better life. I have made the decision of accepting that I am driven, talented, passionate and obsessed with making my and other people lives better. I have made the decision of being a recognised responsible woman within society. I have made the decision of finally being myself and that came with sacrifices. 

Most importantly, I’ve made the decision of identifying which dreams, from my many dreams, to pursue right now – oh boy, Am I glad to say it feels so good.

As many young girls will be writing the final exams soon, make the decision of passing – that will be your stepping stone. Believe you me it feels GOOd when you do GOOD and people recognise your efforts. Be good at what you do and people will take you seriously.

What is the ONE decision that you will make after reading this post? But remember, GIVING UP is not in the decisions package! So make the decision of being smart today, because being smart is beautiful.



Monday, 9 September 2013

Moral of the story: obsession is not so bad after all



So this weekend I attended the Global Inspiration Tour by Vusi Thembekwayo – the “Rockstar of Public Speaking” as proclaimed by the former Australian Prime Minister,  John Howard.  This was one of the greatest moments in my life as I came back determined I’m in the right path of my journey.

Listening to Mr Thembekwayo speak kind of helped me take the decision to finally answer to my calling – standing in front of a crowd and motivate at least 2 or 3 people.  The two words which still echo in my mind about Saturday morning are “Be Obsessed”.  Mr Thembekwayo said passion is not enough, instead, we should be obsessed about what we love – eat, sleep and drink it. It is then that I decided obsession in not so bad, after all.

When I heard the man ranked third in the world by the English Speaking Union International was coming to town, I thought this I must attend. This guy is the big deal and his ticket will probably cost a fortune – this is what I think to myself. Then I go to computicket and check the pricing out, tickets start at R450. At this time I don’t have that kind of money to invest in myself by getting myself a ticket – but the business-minded side of my brain gets “businessy”. I immediately think an entrepreneur will always see an opportunity – anywhere. So I write on my Facebook and Twitter accounts that I’d love a ticket to the talk.


A day later, I see the EkasiEntrepreneur tweet saying people can email and say why they deserve a ticket to the talk. So I send the email. Obsession: not so bad after all. 

This talk is the only thing I was obsessing over the whole of the past week. Then Friday came, I got a tweet from Mr Thembekwayo himself asking me to send my contact details, they (Mr Thembekwayo and team) may just get me that ticket. A couple of minutes later, they called and told me to get myself to the Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC). 

I wake up on Saturday morning – so excited – I check my phone for time and I see I have a new email from Elvis Sekhaolelo, founder of EkasiEntrepreneur. I read it and guess what? I got myself tickets for two people from the email I had sent earlier in the week motivating why I should attend the talk. I was so obsessed over this talk; I ended up getting double the result. 


During the talk Mr Thembekwayo shared his obsession for public speaking and how it has kept him going even when he was booed on stage at his high school and even when he was told he couldn’t do it.

I have an obsession too. I'm obsessed about being in the spotlight – I just want to be the centre of attention. Growing up I was obsessed about being a singer, then I was obsessed about being a TV presenter and then I was obsessed about being a lawyer – and for every one of those obsessions I had goals set on how I’d achieve them. I, in fact, started working my way to achieving them but I had not discovered my calling, therefore, my obsessions became my pastime fantasies.   I guess I was just a dreamer from a small dusty town.

Growth hit, challenges came and there was a moment of tranquillity in my life – this is when I heard my calling – touching someone’s heart. Touching people’s hearts has been my obsession and I’m still in the spotlight. I love what I do, I love sleeping at night knowing I had put a smile on someone’s face. Right now I’m just obsessed about putting a smile on your face as you read this.

Find your obsession and you don’t have to work a day in your life because you will be living your dream. So what’s your obsession? I’d like to hear about it.



*Thanks to @vusispeaker and his team for the ticket! :) 

Monday, 26 August 2013

Finding the beauty in YOUR process!



When Notukela approached me and asked me to be a guest writer for her blog and write whatever was on my heart I was so excited, I couldn’t wait to get home and put pen to paper

But here I am, on the edge of my bed… I am blank, the smart idioms, articulate sentence structure and ideas I had have seemingly vanished and I am left without a ‘profound’ message to share except the utterance and the whispers of my heart, just the truth that is mine…

I’ve realised after a very long battle that I have been fighting the wrong battle, I have been fighting my own process. As hard and painful as labour is, a woman never fights to keep the baby in her womb during delivery, neither does a caterpillar fight the process breaking out and becoming a beautiful butterfly to stay in it’s cocoon. So why did I fight my process? Because I didn’t realise what it was giving birth to, I failed to see the beauty in my pain and strife. Don’t neglect to see the beauty that will come out of your process.

This may be a difficult pill to swallow. I mean, how do you love your process if you had a sick and alcoholic mother, how do you love it if your father walked out and you had a low self – esteem. What is there to love? You may ask. I love it because it is not the end,  I love it because it is transporting me to a better ‘me’ , because it is MY testimony and story to tell and most of all, I love it because it is MINE and when God is finished with me, I will shine. 

A lot of times we question God and ask him why all the bad things had to happen to us, why we had to suffer the loss of a loved one, why God allowed us to be a victim of pain, abuse and heartache. A lot of us have a past we’d like to forget, things we wish had never happened and mistakes we’ve made – let me tell you, they’re all a part of your process and they are building you to become a better person.

There is something strangely beautiful about each and every one’s journey, if we look carefully, the process of being molded, being refined through the flames of life and being shaped by the hardships and storms we’ve faced. Though painful, there is an unspeakable and pure beauty in it as it allows you to enter into the secret place, into Gods tabernacle, where the broken are healed and made whole, a place of intimacy with God.

It is in my process where I have felt the love of my Father, where I have had the realest me accepted, when I was shattered, wounded, I was carried to the table, swept away by my Fathers love, I was carried to where I don’t belong. A place where I didn’t have to be cute, where I could cry out bitterly like Hezekiah did to the Lord. A place where each tear I cried had significance. God caught and kept each tear, they never fell into a shallow place.

Each tear you’ve cried in the process of your journey has watered the garden of your destiny and it will bloom. Never despise the tears you’ve cried and never look down on your process. His eye is on the sparrow and he watches over you. 


Love, always
Odwa Sonti
Twitter: @OH_Sonti


(Guest author)



Friday, 2 August 2013

Converse to inspire



I’ve been thinking about a wrist watch I was given together with a poem called Refrain by an old lady who used to visit my mom’s office – I used to call her “granny”. So I went to our store room to see if I can’t find my Refrain anywhere but with no luck. 

It was on a Friday afternoon in 2004 when she came to my mom’s office with a gift wrapped up in pink paper and with an A4 laminated page and in it was her poem to me – Refrain.  She walked in the office and was excited to see me there and said to me “I have something for you”. She sat me down and said: “I love both you and your mother as my own. So I thought I should buy you this watch.” 

Astounded me sat there and couldn’t stop smiling. She gave me a box wrapped in pink paper and said: “open it”. I opened the box to find a beautiful gold watch. I just couldn’t stop smiling. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as she said “I also have a poem for you and I will read it out loud so everyone would hear.”  She started reading and the words that stood out and were engraved in my heart that moment were: “never lose yourself by trying to be someone you’re not.” It is that day that I embraced being me – a woman.

Refrain has been the cornerstone in my life. It has helped forbear from many things that could have been the end of me. I am the woman I am today because of that poem that was given to me nine years ago. I am a woman of honour and trust. I am hardworking, uniquely different, smart individual who’s passionate about inspiring young girls to become women of great calibre no matter what their circumstance.

In this month dedicated to celebrating women, I challenge all women to have at least five young girls to inspire and be there when they need someone to talk to. I engage quite frequently with young girls who just need to vent about what’s happening in their lives. All they need to hear is: find something to keep you motivated and you will be okay.
 
So for every girl you will be talking to this month, remember India Arie’s Talk to Her lyrics:

Now when you go to her
Speak truthfully
Honest as you can be, from your heart
You're in a situation
But you're losing patience
Take your time and look her in the eyes
When you just can't find the words you want
And it's hard to reach a point
Where you both can understand
Don't just tell the truth
But tell the whole truth
It'll make a better man out of you

Come on hardworking ladies, talk to a young girl and save a life – your task for women’s month.

Much love!