I sure feel like a Gemini

Hello my good friends. You must have thought I’ve abandoned you but that’s not the case – I just wasn’t really sure what to share with you. In the past few weeks, so much has happened that has caused emotional traffic jam.

Last weekend I was home in Queenstown, Eastern Cape. This was not a social call; I went down for the funeral of my sister, friend and life coach – who had finally given in to a long fight with cancer.

I was excited about the beginning of my birth month and already thinking of ways I was going to enjoy it – then death became proud.

Death became proud, because to it, was the in-take of another beautiful soul. After all, who’s not proud of their own achievement? But I’d like to say that death sure knows how to “pick em”. It goes after the best and only the best.

Yesterday when I woke up to the sad news of the passing of Vuyo Mbuli, I must say, I was devastated. I became very scared of death. Mbuli’s death reminded me of Friday 3 May 2013 when my sister-in-law Khanyo passed on. I really couldn’t make sense of what was happening.

People were crying and I just couldn’t picture her no more. I went to my room to cry for a couple of minutes, composed myself and went back to the living room to comfort my family – I was being strong for my brother.

You know often when people talk they would say “Christians should not be afraid of death”. I’m a Christian and I’m scared as hell of death. Maybe I still have a lot to learn about death, but right now it has got me in a confused state of mind – and heart.

I now sure feel like a Gemini – with two personalities. I walk around with a smile and always looking like I’m on top of the world when actually, emotionally, I’m scarred by death. One minute I understand that maybe Khanyo’s time on earth was up and one minute I get angry at why she had to die at such a young age.

But through all this emotional confusion, one thing I am sure about is declaring this month (May) as the “Heroes Month”. Now I will no longer only celebrate May as my birth month but I will also commemorate the fallen heroes – Khanyo Mzilikazi, Steve Khululekile (regional leader of the Association of Mineworkers and Construction Union) Vuyo Mbuli and others that were heroes in their own right.

But death, remember the words of John Donne, the writer of the poem Death Be Not Proud:

One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,

And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

Oh and…. thanks to Nicklaus for reminding me about the whole point of my blog – life experiences, good or bad.