Bottled Truths

One day I was going through my Facebook account when I came across a status update by Zintle Nxazonke saying: “I do not judge people who commit suicide, for I don’t know the pain they were going through to decide to kill themselves” – that status bugged me.

People say the cruellest things about someone who has resorted to suicide to the extent that I often ask myself have they never been through unbearable pain. Pain so unbearable that the only way you see out is by taking your own life.

When someone we love passes away, it is the most painful feeling to bear and you keep asking why God had to take them so soon. But when they commit suicide, the questions we ask is what did we do wrong and why didn’t they say anything.

I like, from time to time, to have conversations with young girls from my church and my neighbourhood. I’d ask them how are things at home, school, community and life in general. You’d be surprised to hear things that young people go through.

As humans we are at our most vulnerable when in our teens because we are overwhelmed by growing up, adolescence, peer pressure and many other factors that we don’t want to share with anyone – most of the time we never have anyone to share our deepest secrets which bug us the most when we are alone.

One of my favourite girls sent me a message on Sunday 16 June informing me about her fifteen year old friend and classmate that had committed suicide – she was devastated. I asked her what had happened. She said her friend had overdosed herself with her mother’s depression pills and she did not even leave a letter to say why. 

I was so heartbroken to learn about her passing because then it reminded me of myself and many other people out there that succumb to suicide and the bottled truths we have. 

I often say it is important for parents to have a very close relationship with their children – be able to share everything with your child. Because there is no great advice that a child will get from friends as they are of the same age and haven’t been through many hurdles in life. 

I myself am a survivor of suicide but I don’t talk about it much because I don’t want to be judged. However, I share my story with many young girls I converse with. 

As teenagers we often think we know everything. I come from a good home where my family only wanted the best for me but I always saw their disciplining me as them being abusive towards me. 

I was only sixteen when I overdosed myself with my grandmother’s pain tablets. I hated how strict my family was. I couldn’t visit friends; I couldn’t have friends over at my house. I couldn’t do anything my peers were doing. I hated being the only one who didn’t have a weekend story to share with my friends at school. I hated not knowing brands of alcohol. I just hated being that boring girl whose grandmother would come fetch her at the Friday disco and cause a scene. I thought my grandmother hated me – when only she knew what’s best for me and what she was saving me from. But because I was caught up in my own world, I decided I was tired of living my life, tired of being controlled by my family. I was tired of being dictated to what I must do. 

So one night after watching “Castle Loud”, my grandmother fell asleep on the couch and I went to her bedroom and took her pills. I tried writing her a note but I just couldn’t get the words right – I was scared. I took so many pills and the only thing I remember was waking up in hospital where my family gathered around my bed. I couldn’t look them in the eye – I was very ashamed of what I had done. That was the most painful thing I put my family through and when I think about it I still shed a tear (like right now as I am typing).

Since that day, I told myself I would share anything regarding my life with my family whether they will feel disappointed in me or not. I had put them through a traumatic ordeal. 

When I hear people talk about suicide, something in me always feels guilty and I relive my estranged thoughts that I have filed right at the back of my head of that day. 

Suicide should be everybody’s business. People shouldn’t be at a position where they don’t have anyone to talk to.

Below are facts I have picked up from the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG):

·         According to World Health Organisation (WHO), a suicide occurs every 40 seconds and an attempt is made every 3 seconds

·         In South African, hanging is the most frequently employed method of suicide, followed by shooting and burning

·         Risk factors for suicide among the young include the presence of mental illness- especially depression, conduct disorder, alcohol and drug abuse; previous suicide attempts; and the availability of firearms in the home. In South Africa 60% of people who commit suicide are depressed

·         The suicide rate for children aged 10-14 years old has more than doubled over the last fifteen years

·         In South Africa the average suicide is 17.2 per 100 000 (8% of all deaths). This relates only to deaths reported by academic hospitals. The real figure is higher

It indeed it takes a community to raise a child; let’s take care of one another and always to try to lend a helping hand. People shouldn’t be afraid to voice out how they feel. We need to make one another understand that you can talk to anyone who has time to listen.  There are things we needn’t go through alone. No matter how bad you feel, find someone to talk to. As SADAG says: “Suicide Shouldn't be a Secret.”

For more information on suicide and suicide programmes in schools, please visit http://www.sadag.org or call the suicide crisis line on 0800 567 567. 

*This piece is dedicated to Lusanda Bara. May her soul rest in peace.*